Where’s My Free Porsche From The Australian Government?

There’s this Porsche 911 Carerra that I lust after and it would be mine if it wasn’t for The Crisis.

What crisis? The Porsche Affordability Crisis for a Carerra hits the fiscal scales at $238,000 which, last time I checked, meant I was around $200k short.

This is something that Federal Treasurer Scott Morrison should have addressed in his recent Budget because I want a Porsche and it’s not fair that I can’t have one.

The Government must do something.

After all, it’s declared it’s going to tackle the Housing Affordability Crisis.

This is that crisis caused by people wanting to buy houses they can’t afford. They could buy houses they could afford, thereby defusing the crisis, but these tend to be in unfashionable postcodes out in the boonies and who in their right mind would want to live there?

Much better to get the Government to “do something”.

The Government came to the Childcare Crisis party caused by parents who have children they are disinclined to mind during the day because it means Mum can’t have coffee with her friends.

Obviously, this lamentable state of affairs cannot be allowed to persist so the Federal Government is presently spending about $8 billion a year subsidising childcare, a figure which continues to head north.

There is, of course, another solution – if you’re not prepared to look after your kids, don’t have any.

Defenders of the system, which is anyone lining up for a government childcare handout, say it allows women to get back into the workforce. There is no statistical evidence to support this but it has led to an increase in sales of Lycra sportswear and chai latte.

I’ve no interest in wandering the sandstone-lined cloisters of academia so I have been spared The Higher Education Crisis. This has been caused by the Government wanting university students to pay 46 per cent of the cost of their degrees instead of 42 per cent.

This means the taxpayer still picks up the rest of the tab, which seems like a good deal. Apparently the students think so as there is presently about $50 billion in outstanding student loans. It is estimated that around $12 billion of this will never be repaid.

The Government’s announced intentions are certain to provoke student demonstrations.

Pay more towards your own education? Outrageous! It should be free for everyone just like five bedroom houses on the hill at Hamilton and childminding nannies called Freida from Norway.

Opposition Leader Bill Shorten, pogo stick at the ready, will bounce up on to the student bandwagon and denounce the move as a Coalition plot to deny the children of “ordinary, hard working Orstralians” a university education.

None of this, however, does anything to resolve the Porsche Affordability Crisis.

As a parent I was too early to cash in on the childcare rort, there were no student loans when I left high school and you bought the house you could afford.

By any measure of the incredible sense of entitlement that pervades our society, the Government owes me a Porsche.

I’ll pay for my own personalised plates. They’ll read BLUDGER.

Courier Mail


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